Funny Chat logs

double switcharoo

2010-09-15T09:49:00.001-07:00

gentoogod: omg dude
gentoogod: today i might the stupidest 3 people i ever met
gentoogod: thier 3 brains combined couldnt solve the dilemma they faced today
siral21: what was it
gentoogod: ok before i say this
gentoogod: 100% true, not one second of a lie
gentoogod: this lady went into mcdonalds today and ordered a big mac for her
gentoogod: and ordered 2 mcgrittles one for each kid. one had bacon one without
gentoogod: her sons are around 18 or 19 so not infants
gentoogod: she went to the counter furious cause the son that wanted bacon has no bacon on his and the one that didnt want bacon has bacon on his
gentoogod: i fell on the floor beside her and couldnt stop laughing
gentoogod: so i finally stood up and asked her to repeat, thinking maybe shes drunk
gentoogod: i swear to god she looked at me straight faced and repeated it. and her 2 sons were beside her mad that they didnt get the order they wanted

whoops ...

2010-09-15T09:38:00.001-07:00

hey baby, whats up?
umm....nothing?
So....want me to like come over today so we can fuck?
Wait....did you want to speak to my daughter?
Yes Mrs.Miller.. :-/

THE TOOTH FAIRY SPEAKS

2010-09-15T09:32:00.001-07:00

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: hello
Stranger: ….
Stranger: bot?
You: im the tooth fairy
Stranger: FINALLY!
Stranger: WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN I DIDN*T GET ANYTHING FROM MY LAST 2 TEETHS WTF NOOB?!
You: im osrry
You: its been very busy
Stranger: yeah right, thats what santa said >:O
You: and my tooth insurance has been having problems
Stranger: I KNEW IT
Stranger: YOUVE BEEN FUCKING SANTA HAVENT U?
You: santa is overrated
You: no i have not
Stranger: Oh god.
You: he hates my wings
You: i think he is very fat
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: No sence of style
Stranger: I mean his so last season
You: and that red suit dont do nothing for him
Stranger: yup
You: maybe he needs a fashion consultant
Stranger: Like ali-g?
You: yeah and dude, Mrs Claus, shes a myth
Stranger: Damn that guy is hotter than a MoefAka
Stranger: No
You: MoefAka, huh
Stranger: I belive in Mrs claus, its just that she ran away with the rednose reindeer
You: ewww!!!!!!!!!!
Stranger: Whos name shall not be mentioned
You: dont worry
You: i know him
You: hes a jerk
Stranger: Jerk off
You: all stuck up just cause there is a fricking song about him
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: How fucking emo
You: and he leads the other reindeer
You: emos…
You: i only give them a penny a tooth
Stranger: Thats job well done.
You: too many ppl are emos
Stranger: but I GOT NUTIN
Stranger: Thug Life homie you feel me
You: Im so sorry
You: pull out a tooth
Stranger: I want the 2pacs last album and BIG’s first mixtape!
You: and i will give you 2.00for it
Stranger: NOO
Stranger: I can’t even get a coffe from starbucks
You: ok how bout 5:00
You: i mean 5.))
Stranger: sounds like a blowjob?
Stranger: coffe is atleast 5,50..
You: i mean $5.00
You: ulgh
You: my typing is bad
Stranger: Wher u from?
You: im very old, been around a couple hundred years
Stranger: I know
You: im from this cloud, u wouldnt know of it
You: its pretty frickin awesome
Stranger: Ooh you’re one of the teddybears?
You: how bout u?
You: NO!!!!!! they are the worst neigbors in history
Stranger: Im Kim Lil Jon
You: gay
You: no you
You: the teddys
Stranger: yeah they and their bigass rainbows
You: rainbows suck
You: and they giggle all night long
Stranger: Yeah have you met the irish elfs at the end of them?
Stranger: Fucking pricks.
You: no, the ends move, remember
You: so u cant ever get the pot
You: of gold
Stranger: But my mom said..
Stranger: Never mind
Stranger:
You: thats what moms say
Stranger: mom, thats whats for dinner
You: shit, some little 6 year old
You: lost his baby tooth
Stranger: !
You: and put it under his pillow in china
Stranger: You’re going to give him a job at fubu?
You: probably wants some chinese cash
Stranger: I know
Stranger: Yens
You: yeah, being the toothe fairy is hard
Stranger: I know
You: u gotta have all this currency
You: from around the world
Stranger: Where d you get all the money for this charity work?
You: it sucks!! you know how many ppl dont believe in me?
You: so they dont donate
Stranger: 6,700, 000, 000 roughly?
You: so THEY DONT GET MONEY FOR THEIR TEETH
You: not even close
Stranger: : /
You: well, gotta go give the kid his nickel..
You: yen, whatev
You: im losing enthusiasm for this job…sigh
Stranger: You need a vacation homie..
Stranger: You know that guy Peter Pan
You: yeah
You: dude, hes a jerk too
Stranger: I heard he sells there flights to dis awesome place
You: alll these ppl are overrated
Stranger: :O
You: but i been there
You: hung out with da mermaids
Stranger: Did you see herkules?
You: pretty relaxing
You: no
Stranger: batman?
Stranger: Tony Blair?
You: batman makes me mad
You: hes so damn rich
Stranger: Yeah
You: and he can give me any money
Stranger: I heard he gotta pimped out ride
You: but seriously
You: this kid fell alseep so gotta leave
You: bye,
Stranger: No
Stranger: WTF
Stranger: DUDE
Stranger: /b/ brothers listen
You: and im sorry about your tooth
Stranger: omg
Stranger: you cant leave
Stranger: No troll
You: y not
Stranger: anymore
You: WTH
Stranger: wher u from?
You: i told u
Stranger: …
Stranger: No seriously
Stranger is typing…
Please Wait till you get connected to a person…
Stranger has disconnected

Vegetables anyone?

2009-02-24T14:53:00.000-08:00

BloodNinja: Wanna cyber?
MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
BloodNinja: What like gardening an shit?
MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
BloodNinja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
BloodNinja: You bend over to harvest your radishes. (pause)
MommyMelissa: is that it?
BloodNinja: You water your tomato patch.
BloodNinja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me? (pause)
BloodNinja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
BloodNinja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
BloodNinja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
BloodNinja: Damn baby your right, this shit is HOT.
MommyMelissa: ...
BloodNinja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
MommyMelissa: What the fuck is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
BloodNinja: Yah, well I already Unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. bitch.
MommyMelissa: whatever.

Papa John's pizza

2009-02-24T14:44:00.000-08:00

BloodNinjaBloodNinja:Wanna cyber?
DirtyKateKK, but don't tell anybody ;-)
DirtyKateK:Who are you?
BloodNinja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
BloodNinja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKateK:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
BloodNinja:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
DirtyKateK: Haha! OK
DirtyKateK:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
BloodNinja:Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKateK:I want everything, baby!
BloodNinja:Is this a delivery?
DirtyKateK:Umm...Yes
DirtyKateK:So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
BloodNinja:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house. **pause**
DirtyKateK:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
BloodNinja:You can't hurry good pizza.
BloodNinja:I'm on my way now though pause**
DirtyKateK:So you're at my front door now.
BloodNinja:How did you know?
BloodNinja:I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
BloodNinja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKateKooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
BloodNinja:So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKateK:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
BloodNinja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey
cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but
the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the
bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKateK:What the fuck?
DirtyKateK:You perverted piece of shit
DirtyKateK:Fuck

I want to lick your earlob

2009-02-24T14:28:00.000-08:00

BloodNinja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.
BloodNinja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
BloodNinja: I smack you thick booty.
Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
BloodNinja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
BloodNinja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
Sarah19fca: you like that?
BloodNinja: I peel some bananas.
Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
BloodNinja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
BloodNinja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
BloodNinja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.
Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
BloodNinja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
BloodNinja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
BloodNinja: Yeeaahhhh.
Sarah19fca: /ignore
BloodNinja: Its cool stone cold she was a bitch anyway.
BloodNinja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.